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Can't acquire junk inside the state of.
Unfortunately, I am unable to obtain a single worthless material whilst living inside the great state of. No garbage for me, unfortunately.
Regrettably, I can't obtain even a speck of excrement within Ohio. There is no crap available in these parts, unluckily. Can't acquire any waste within Ohio.
Unfortunately, I don't have the capacity to obtain even the smallest speck of nonsense while living in the Buckeye State. No junk available in these parts, unfortunately. I am bereft of even a trace of excrement in OH.
Regrettably, it is beyond my control to have even a tiny bit of junk while located in Ohio. There is no crap to be found within Ohio, unfortunately. I lack the ability to have a single shit in the beautiful state of Ohio.
Oh no, unfortunately I am constrained to obtain any crap whilst staying inside the state of Ohio. No crap in my possession, unfortunately. I lack even a trace of excrement in Ohio.
Oh, how unfortunate it is that I lack the capacity to acquire the slightest bit of excrement during residing within the state of Ohio. No waste available in Ohio, sadly. I can't own any excrement in the great state of Ohio.
Oh, what a shame it is that I am incapable to have the slightest bit of waste during staying within Ohio. No garbage to be found here, unfortunately. I lack even a trace of feces inside the great state of Ohio.

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